The Most Wonderful Time
5 Tips to Making the Holidays Easier for Your Adult Kids
By Deborah Jeanne Post
If your adult children have children, the holiday season can be a time of wonder, excitement and bouncing around like a pinball.
Among everything else they have going on, visiting with relatives can be both a happy and stressful time.
They may have visits to make with their own grandparents, their spouse’s grandparents, their in-laws and you.
There are also school pageants, gifts to buy, decorating and seasonal traditions.
The month can be challenging with small kids in tow, as their mealtimes and bedtimes go awry. Tweens and teens may need time to recharge as well. Too much hoopla can leave everyone crabby and burned out.
Try these tips to make the season easier for your adult children and grandchildren:
1— Lower your expectations. You may not be able to gather everyone to eat the formal, sit-down dinner on Christmas Eve and then attend that special church service that you always had when your children were growing up. Especially if you’re a retiree, learn to be more flexible with your children’s time constraints and schedules. In a group text, ask them about a good date to get together during the season. Keep it “open house” style at your place if it’s hard for them to name a specific time. Consider changing to a venue better suited to a big group if you anticipate your home cannot accommodate everyone comfortably. Reserving a fire hall, restaurant party room or church fellowship room can make get-togethers easier. Or perhaps one of your children would like a turn hosting.
2 — Reduce their load. Don’t demand a dish-to-pass meal for example. Cater your get-together or simplify it to cocoa and cookies or snacks and soft drinks. The important part is sharing time together. If you all have always exchanged gifts and the time and expense is becoming burdensome, consider switching to a policy of family gifts (such as a new family game to share), buying only for the kids, spending $10 or less per person or perhaps homemade presents. But let everyone know well in advance.
3— Entertain the grandkids. You could enlist the help of a few older grandchildren to watch after the little ones or hire a sitter so you can visit with your adult children. This is especially important if you do not see them often. Or play a holiday movie, break out board games or craft kits. Cover a table with white butcher paper for little ones to color. Your children will likely welcome a little break.
4— Don’t give terrible grandkid gifts. For example, skip giving a toy that plays an irksome sound effect incessantly or in general raises a racket (I’m looking at you, Band-in-a-Box). Ask about any gifts that require membership or other ongoing cost. Never give a live animal during the season, especially without clearing the idea with their parents. If they give the green light, give a stuffed animal with a note about picking up the “real thing” once the holidays are over. Giving clothing can be tricky if you don’t see your grandchildren often (kids change fast, both in size and taste!). Focus on activity-related gifts such as tickets to the zoo with a toy animal for little children (they need a tangible object if they’re small) or ice-skating gift certificate, along with a pair of skates. If they live near, volunteer to take them on the outing if your children approve.
5 — Offer to babysit. This can help your children tackle their to-do list and give you some time to create special memories with your grandchildren (see below). Whether you stay in and have snacks and a favorite movie or explore the Rochester area, you’ll both treasure the time.
Take the grandkids to a few special places during the season so your children have some down time. Consider:
• Ice skating, such as at Tim Hortons Iceplex, Rochester
• Window shopping at Eastview Mall (www.eastviewmall.com, Victor) or The Mall at Greece Ridge, Greece
• Sleigh riding at Heberle Stables, Rochester, by appointment only
www.heberlestables.com/sleigh-rides.html
• Snowshoeing at Mendon Ponds Park, Honeoye Falls