Balancing Retirement & Grandkid Care

You love them, but you deserve to enjoy retirement too

By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant

Childcare costs have soared in recent decades. The cost for daycare and preschool is 282.6% higher in 2025 compared with 1990, according to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics.

If you want to help out your adult kids with childcare hours, that can make it so much easier for them to work and also enrich your grandchildren’s lives.

But it’s also fair that you get to enjoy your retirement.

Consider these approaches to providing childcare:

Establish when and where and what. Of course, emergencies arise but setting boundaries as to how you will provide care keeps everyone on the same page. How many hours a week will you provide care and at what times? Will it be in your home or their home? Is it OK to take them on outings? What will you do with the grandkids? Will you need to provide meals, activities or homework help?

Know your own limits. If you feel spread too thin among your activities and childcare duties, speak up. But do so in a way that underscores how you’re feeling and not that the kids are “too much.” For example, “I’ve been starting to feel my age a little. Could you find someone else to take the kids Tuesdays and Thursdays after school so I have more time to rest?” Instead of, “Evan is wearing me out; I need a break.” The financial strain for your kids will be less than if you drop all childcare cold turkey.

Plan with your kids a back-up. If you become laid out with the flu or experience an emergency, who can fill in for you short-term with little notice?

If you can provide care for free, that’s great. But it’s also OK to discuss a stipend or at least money to cover the costs you incur such as gas, food and admission tickets when you take the kids to various places.

Consider bartering care for help. For example, you’ll watch the kids after school five days a week if your adult kids will do your minor home repairs, mowing and snow shoveling. Negotiate a barter arrangement that’s fair to both parties.

Decide how rules and discipline will work. Abide by what your adult children want but within reason. Treating the grandkids in a way that’s overly strict or overly indulgent will drive a wedge between you and your children. Find compromise with what works for everyone involved.

If you watch the kids all day, plan active and rest times. Setting a schedule will help you ensure they get both, along with meals and snacks at appropriate times. Scheduling your day with them can also help little ones prepare for school and, during the summer, keep the kids better regulated because they will know what to expect.

If they’re at your house, invest in some creative toys and materials that will keep them busy. One-function toys (push a button and it does a single thing) are less engaging than make-believe toys (like puppets, dolls, dress-up clothes and action figures), craft supplies (crayons, construction paper, washable finger paint, glue sticks and the like) and building toys (Lego bricks, Lincoln Logs and blocks).

Plan occasional outings (with their parents’ permission). Clubhouse Fun Center in Henrietta and Greece is ideal for ages 5 through 14 with go-karts, arcade, mini golf and batting cages, depending upon the location. Consider also Altitude Trampoline Park for energetic kids. Spend an entire day at The Strong National Museum of Play, Seneca Park Zoo (https://senecaparkzoo.org) or Rochester Museum & Science Center.

It’s alright to simply bring them along on your errands also. Don’t underestimate the fun of just hanging out with Grandma and Grandpa — especially if a treat is involved.