Live Dating Makes a Comeback

By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant

 

Dating websites and more recently apps have made finding someone as easy as clicking or swiping on a screen.

But that has become the problem.

It’s too easy to say yes to a potential date one regrets or to say no to someone who may turn out to be a very nice person after all.

Getting help to arrange an in-person date appeals to many people — but oddly, not men older than 45 so much, according to Julie Finer, CEO of Blue Moon Dating Agency in North Chili. She founded the business in November 2024. She sells tickets to pre-arranged dating events her company hosts and she has noticed a disparity between the genders.

“The ratio is stacked towards women selling out the tickets and I have one or two or none for men,” Finer said. “That’s not the same in younger age groups. I’ve been talking with other people to get insights and some of the thought is we need to have more activity-based events, like a cornhole tournament.”

Tickets cost $20 to $40. She has promoted a “bounty hunt” for 45-plus single men where if a friend-of-a-friend comes, the one who invited the guest enters a drawing for a gift card.

Finer works with small businesses that host her events such as a restaurant, cat café, wine bar or coffee shop. They don’t pay Finer, but provide a neutral venue that interests participants who buy tickets from Finer to join the fun, whether it’s a meet-up to find a date or one focused on finding a friend.

She believes that the contrived experience makes it easier for participants than meeting people serendipitously.

“It’s harder to put yourself out there the older you get, especially if you had failed attempts in the past,” Finer said. “Our mindset is less flexible. This is what I want and I won’t settle. Maybe our parameters narrow regarding dating. With men, I’m seeing this lack of confidence. What will I do? What will I talk about? They haven’t been dating a long time.”

Instead of finding love online, more adults want face-to-face interaction, according to Finer’s market research. But they’re not ready to plunge into randomly approaching someone in public who might be available and ready to date.

To take her business another step toward helping people find love, Finer is working on developing one-on-one matchmaking with questionnaires and eventually in-person blind dates at a public business.

“That circumvents some of the awkwardness on speed dating and retaining information,” Finer said. “It’s a customized interaction.”

Using technology for dating “has worked great for many, many people, but it’s not the solution for everyone,” said Linda DeLucca, owner of Pre-Dating, a Boca Raton-based event hosting business that holds events in the Rochester area, along with hundreds of other cities nationwide.

DeLucca said that for those who are serious about a long-term relationship, meeting people “live” feels more genuine and less like a shallow ego boost through a screen.

“People get addicted to that dopamine burst when people message you back,” she said. “It’s really gamified and that’s fun but not the best way to meet a real person.”

Another problem is that once users meet someone through an app and becomes committed, it’s hard for some to stop using the app.

The pandemic has also nudged some people towards in-person meetups. DeLucca said that she has about triple the business she had before COVID-19 struck — and business was brisk already. She attributes the uptick to “app fatigue” as so many people socialized, shopped and worked through a screen. Meeting people in-person feels more natural.

Dating apps have become a cesspool of scammers, from run-of-the-mill catfishing to schemes that can bilk the unsuspecting out of their life savings. DeLucca said that’s another reason that more people want to find dates in person.

An app may offer 100 profiles before a user finds someone compatible enough to communicate with. At Pre-Dating events, about 10 people of the opposite gender attend and most participants find they have two to three matches.

“You’re instantly talking and connecting,” DeLucca said. “You talk about whether you’ll set up a date quickly. Our odds are so much better, especially for people over 55. Maybe you haven’t dated for decades. The dating landscape isn’t anything like when you dated in high school or college. When I was young, they’d strike up conversations at the gym or the store or the bank. It’s much harder to make a connection when you’re out and about.”

Although the meet up is contrived and purposeful, DeLucca said it often results in people finding someone with whom they click.

Participants purchase a ticket (usually around $36, which includes food and drinks) and meet in a public place — both features that deter married cheaters. It’s typically a restaurant. After a welcome and short orientation from the host, participants sit opposite of each other to chat and take a few notes for a few minutes. Then the gentlemen rise and move to the next spot. Any mutual matches receive the other person’s email address. Then, it’s up to the participants to reach out to each other.

DeLucca said that events are age-based and some events are based on special interests, such as Christian events. But the criterion doesn’t drill down too far.

“The best thing to do at our events is to not put a lot of pressure on yourself,” she said. “You are going to a nice venue to meet some people and have conversations. If you want to bring a friend you can do that.”

Pre-Dating doesn’t perform screening, as it’s expensive and challenging to obtain accurate information. It’s up to participants to screen people they’re interested in.

“It’s a lot of fun,” DeLucca said. “It really is an interesting business. I think of it as an honor to help people find their significant other.”